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|Tuesday, November 12th, 2013|
Tip for Birth Mothers
Regarding the child you are currently in reunion with, saying that you wish you could kidnap and never let go, you need to realize this isn't cute, or funny. It's creepy and weird. Current Mood: uncomfortable
|Wednesday, October 16th, 2013|
I got a reply to my email from the records coordinator at the adoption agency. It costs $150 to obtain non-identifying info on my birth parents. In addition, they can hire a private investigator to search for birth parents for $500. If I want both, the cost would be $600 instead of $650. I'm SERIOUSLY considering paying the $600 for both the non-ID info and hiring a PI.
If I don't want to pay $600 for all that, and I just want to pay $150 for the non-identifying info, there is a Florida adoption reunion registry that costs $35. I've also registered on adoption.com but when I searched for birth parents I got no matches so apparently no one has been searching for me. I've posted on several adoption groups on Facebook and several "search angels" replied and said definitely get the non ID info because that can be priceless. What I'm wondering is what these search angels do. I suppose they spend a lot of time online searching for peoples' birth families. But now I'm also wondering if I have any siblings or half siblings searching for me. This whole thing is getting me VERY intrigued.
|Saturday, October 12th, 2013|
ISO Birth Family
Hi everyone. I'm an adoptee in search of my birth family. I was born on April 23, 1969 at Tampa General Hospital in Tampa, FL. I was approximately 2 months premature and my birth weight was 4 lbs. 14 oz. The adoption was handled by The Children's Home, Inc.
Can anyone offer any advice as far as where to start? The records were sealed. Several years ago I considered hiring a private investigator but that would have cost almost $1500. I've joined a couple of groups on Facebook and have requested to join a couple more. Any advice/leads would be appreciated.
|Monday, July 15th, 2013|
Getting my OBC.
I wasn't sure who to ask, so I figured that someone here might know.
I will be changing my name, which requires a copy of your OBC. Being adopted, I have TWO legal OBCs (one with my birthname and one with my adoptive name). On the form I need to fill out, it asks me "Have there been any corrections or legal changes made to the information on this certificate?" Do I answer "Yes" and put the first legal name I was given, or do I answer "No" because the OBC I am requesting is my most recent OBC?
|Friday, April 23rd, 2010|
English Political Party Perspectives
Since there's all this pre-election bollocks going on, does anyone here have a clue what any of the parties stances are on the subject of adoption?xposted all over the place
|Wednesday, March 31st, 2010|
So, I wanted to share this here and see if anyone had any thoughts.
I've been putting off contacting my birth parents, and I finally got sick of it and just sent the damn letters. My main reason for contact was curiosity, I wanted a picture. I wrote them both basically the same thing. Saying my name, birth date, birthplace. Then explaining that it had taken me awhile to write, but that I wanted to see a picture and that I'd return the favor. That I wasn't sure what beyond that I wanted to happen. And then, just a thank you, since I do like being around =]
My birth dad contacted me right away and was very eager to connect. He also asked a lot about what I knew of my birth mom, that he had tried to find her after she disappeared a year after my birth. I told him I wasn't comfortable getting involved since I had no idea what their relationship was like and whatnot. He dropped it.
Then a month or more longer, I got a letter from my birth mom. The weirdest, saddest letter I've ever received. She was all over the place, and it seemed like she had never dealt with me being born or adopted, and she just seemed like a very sad, emotionally unstable person. She said she didn't remember when I was born, that she might be my birth mom (I did know it was her, but apparently that wasn't clear in the letter I sent her). That she didn't remember much of the birth. Then she went into all this "your family is your family now, not to be cold but..." which seemed very left-field, as I wasn't pushy about anything. Then at the end it changed to "I wait in anticipation and hope" for a letter back saying that I wanted her to look for pictures. Just a side note, but the handwriting even seemed to change.
The thing is, I understand how hard it is. I also think she's going through a divorce, as she is no longer living at her home address with the name of her and her husband, she living in an entirely different state with her son. Who isn't that much younger than me. I feel bad for her, she obviously carries a lot of pain. I'm not really taking it personally, since I don't know her. And I don't really need her. That sounds harsh, but I have plenty of family. I was just curious. And actually my birth dad sent a picture of them together, so that part of my mind is eased.
So, I just really couldn't write her back. I just don't need the baggage and drama. I want to write her and say something. Just to try and ease her mind. But I don't want to. I don't feel like it's my responsibility. And I'm feeling kinda guilty about it. Because when I got the letter I talked to my birth dad about it to try and figure it out. And hear what she had been like at the time. And it's obvious that he's a caring person and wants to know she's ok. And she's obviously not.
I'm wondering if I should give him the address and let him contact her since I'm not going to. Or do you think I should? Have some duty to? I don't think I'll agree, but I want to hear any side of the argument.
Thanks for listening...
**So apparently I suck at writing my thoughts out, because I couldn't have been more misunderstood, obviously. And also, fuck you guys, 'cause all I needed was some encouragement, really, and all you've given me is more fear for crazies like you (I assume most that didn't indicate are birth moms). So, thanks.
|Friday, November 27th, 2009|
|Monday, April 13th, 2009|
More on the subject... I found her!
Ok, as promised here is an update....
I found my birthmom this weekend on Facebook. About every 4 or 5 months I do a name search. I have her maiden name from some records I got from the hospital I was born in. Though on the records there were two names, so I keep searching both in hopes of getting a hit. So last week I entered both names and found someone with the exact name listed adding her married name to the end of the maiden name. So I clicked add friend and waited. Saturday night I saw she had accepted and I could see her profile. There on her profile I saw she was born at the exact year and in the time frame I had assumed her birthday would be. But even more important, she lives in Chattanooga, TN and had grown up there. She graduated High School at the right time and everything. And she was Catholic. This was an important point of information since I knew she was Catholic and I was adopted from a Catholic Orphanage in Memphis.
So I sent her a message hinting about my search. Sunday morning She replied "I knew this day would come, what would you like to know!"
All I can think is, "YAHOOOOOO!!! I FOUND HER!" I have been almost bouncing off the walls I am so happy. I now have family medical history that I never had. I have a half sister that I never had before. My half sister even is into the same things I am. She even is into the Paranormal and goes on "Haunt Hunts" with a group in Chattanooga. And she went to one of the FX Make-up schools in Orlando just like I did. How wild is that?
So I now feel like some part of my life that has always been out of sync has just clicked into place. I hope I can go see her sometime this summer, though if I can't it's ok. It's just really nice to know she is there. And she wants to get to know me as much as I do her. She didn't even know if she had a boy or girl. They wouldn't tell her. We have lots of catching up to do.
Thank you to all the friends who have put up with my searching and listened when I was low, panicked, annoyed or otherwise talking about the difficulty with searching. You have all been wonderful, supportive and patient friends. I love and appreciate all of you!
Rose Current Mood: jubilant
|Monday, February 2nd, 2009|
|Friday, January 30th, 2009|
Any adoptees in NYC?
I've been trying to find adoption counseling, focusing on the reunion and the issues that can take place during the new relationship with the bparents. I am having some issues with my birthparents right now and I have not confronted them about it.. and I, honestly, don't want to. I hate confrontation.
Sooo, besides this place that is on the upper east side (which is a bonus for me!) and I don't want to have to pay to talk to a group of people about my annoyances with my birthparents.
) <--- gives me the creeps for some reason.
Is there ANY other place near midtown or the upper east side that holds meetings? I don't want to talk to birth parents or people looking to adopt, so reunion stuff only.
thanks in advance :)
|Thursday, January 29th, 2009|
New here.. about birth mom, college, and future
I have been feeling like a part of me is missing lately. I realized the other day what it was. I miss my birth mom. I can’t help but to think about her, hope and pray that she is alive and well. I want to apologize to her for being angry with her for so long. I feel bad for even missing her because I have a family. I am afraid that if I do come in contact with her my mom will be angry and never forgive me. I don’t want to lose one to gain another. Maybe I should let it be. It’s been like 13 years without her. So maybe she doesn’t miss me, or worse doesn’t even remember me. Is my heartache enough to cause someone else pain and sorrow. I don’t know what to do. I mean I can probably find her. She probably is in Elgin Mental health center; she is usually only out 6 weeks out of year. I know if I had a kid that I couldn’t take care of due to a mental illness and she was all grown up and wanted to see me I would be ecstatic, especially if I spent the first 7 years with her. I wish I knew what to do.
On a happier note, I am going to college. I start March 3. It’s an online college, so I guess to some it’s not a huge deal, but to me it’s a major deal. My mom told me I would never go to college, and well here I am. I will be working on getting my degree in psychology. I am working on getting my bachelors. I want to go all the way up to my PsD (my doctorate in clinical psychology.)
I want to help teens that think they are alone and no one knows how they feel because I have most likely been there. I want to show them that there is still humanity in the world. I also want to be a social worker for the DCFS (Department of Children and Family Service) for a few years or so. I want to be the social worker that I never had while I was in the foster care system. I also want to work with addictions. Cause more and more teens and young adults are suffering from some form of addiction.
I also want to help to reduce the stigma that is behind mental illness. I want to prove that just because someone has a mental illness, whether it be bipolar, depression, schizophrenia, eating disorders &/or borderline personality disorder, or a mix of it all or something different, that they are still viable members of society. Some just need therapy others need a combination of therapy and meds. I am not saying they will never have a relapse but it is usually manageable if they stick to their treatment plan. I also want to prove that Self harm is more than a teenage problem, or a cry for help. I just want to at least make one person’s life better.
Peace out and blessed be
. Current Mood: curious
|Sunday, December 28th, 2008|
So I was talking to my a friend of mine and mentioned to her that I had gotten my birth mothers non identifying background info. During the discussion I mentioned that while I am not supposed to know her name I do because of a letter that I had found at one point snooping in things I wasn't supposed to be snooping in from my birth mother. She mentioned something that I had never even thought of. I now know how old my birth mother is, I could use that info to narrow my search parameters by age seeing as I knew the name of the man she was supposed to marry in 1989. It worked. I found a sight that allowed me to do a generic search for free that gave city and state results and included age as a parameter along with the first and last name and gave other names associated with the one you searched for. She's still in San Diego according to this site. The name I had thought was her first name is actually her middle name. I now know her real first name. Which means I can go to the phone book and if she is listed find a current address.
Now the question is, it's been over 27 years since I was adopted. How do I even begin to write a letter to the woman who gave birth to me? What do I say? Seriously?! In her letter she requested a picture of me, I don't know if my parents ever sent her a picture, but at very least I know I want to send her one of me now.
For the record I say I'm not supposed to know her name because in California all adoptions around the time I was born were closed, no matter if it was with a state facility or a private adoption agency. All you can get is non identifying information unless you fill out consent for contact forms from both the side of the adult adoptee and the birth parent(s) side as well. I filled out mine and filled them last year. I received notice that my birth parents had not filed nor had any adult siblings from my birth parents. The letter that I had found was addressed as from the adoption agency so I can only assume she had sent it there and it had then been sent to my parents. But as I said, I don't know if my parents ever sent her a response or not, but they had at least filed it away with the paperwork for the adoption of myself and my older brother (different birth families).
It's kinda funny how the non identifying information helped me to identify more information on my birth mother. I still know nothing about my birth father, and if the letter I had found is any indication he died in a motorcycle accident before I turned 8. There was no information at all on him other then his age around the time I was born.
|Sunday, November 30th, 2008|
meeting birth mom on 12/16
I'm meeting my birth mom whom I've had no contact with my entire life on 12/16. We're meeting at the adoption agency; she's bringing her husband & I'm bringing mine. Over the summer I received 16 bday cards (all but 9 years of my life) and a letter that she wrote the day after they took me away. I'm nervous but I'm meeting her the week after finals so I haven't really let myself think about it too much. Any advice? This was kind of sprung on me and I wasn't sure I was 100% ready but what kind of preparation do people normally do for this kind of thing?
|Friday, November 7th, 2008|
|Monday, November 3rd, 2008|
Both At Once
Hi everyone, im new here so a quick intro: Im an adoptee (obviously), reunited with my birth mother for a year now, and have infrequent contact with my birth father for 3 months.
My birth mother has always been upfront about who my birth father was and felt it was my choice whether to contact him as i did her. Her only request was that i not get her involved in our reunion, which i understand and respect. However, since being in contact with both him and his mother both "sides" are now inquiring as to what the other party is doing with me or telling me. Suddenly ive become similar to the child whose separated parents are trying to outdo each others efforts to gain approval.
Do any of you have tips or advice for me? I really want (and need!) this behaviour to stop. Its making me feel awkward and wary of discussions between us. Current Mood: sad
|Sunday, November 2nd, 2008|
|Wednesday, August 20th, 2008|
My adoption, confusion
I just joined this group and doing a blog is brand new.
I wrote about my finding my birth parents, and then they got remarried and tried to turn three complete strangers into some sort of family. I was furious when they remarried, I thought when we all met it would be very clear that they could not get along and why they gave me away, but they clearly were not following my script. The whole process left me confused, and angry at how easy it was for them to get back together again. I'm a 59 year old man who has done counseling with adults looking, but when it cane to me i left confused and very angry. I got over it in my Mens group but i was wondering if any one else had feelings like this. especially other men.
Feel free to read the whole story on my blog (short very edited version) called "My adoption cluster fuck"
My birth father died after five years of me keeping my distance from a face I resembled but he was distant cold man, and now my birth mother is so need, and i just don't feel I can give her what she wants. Any way the title of the posting is "My adoption Cluster Fuck"
hope the title and the art doesn't offend anyone, it is my feeling alone. or maybe not. Sure would like to know how other feel Current Mood: confused
|Tuesday, August 19th, 2008|
MTV True Life
Hey guys -
I hope you do not mind me posting in this community. I am a casting agent for MTV: True Life and I just want to let you know that we're currently looking to cast an episode called True Life: I'm Looking For My Sibling. We're exploring many different angles of sibling separation, one of those being adoption. If anyone is currently looking for their sibling and is interested in participating in this documentary, please let me know. You can contact me at email@example.com or (212) 654-4992.
MTV True Life
Apologies if this isn't allowed (I haven't checked in all the comm's I'm about to post this in 'cause I've gotta get to bed before I go to work tonight)adoptedintheuk
Does what it sez on the tin.
|Tuesday, July 29th, 2008|
I need advise on finding my real mom. Its a closed adoption and Ive been told there is no way to ever know. Is this true and if not how do i find them?