jo_lou25 (jo_lou25) wrote in adoptees,

Advise needed

I need advise on finding my real mom. Its a closed adoption and Ive been told there is no way to ever know. Is this true and if not how do i find them?
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It depends where and when you were born... lots of states have registries that are mutual consent and others have confidential intermediaries.

There are also search angels and investigators who will conduct a search sometimes for a fee.(never pay upfront, I'd stick with the "no find, no fee" type for safety of your$$$)

My adoption was closed but I searched and found... you also need to be an "adult" age of course depending on the state some are 18 others 19 and others 21.
You can find them if you look hard enough. My brother was a part of a closed adoption and I still was able to find him. It wasn't easy, but by scouring enough public records, we were able to put enough pieces of the puzzle together that we were able to narrow our search down to him.

Try to get in touch with a local adoption advocacy group. They may know some sneaky ways to get around closed records in your state.
First thing to do is find out if your adoption was handled by an agency, or privately. If it was handled by an agency, you can write to them and request your non-identifying information, which can include enough info that it can help you find her. Also, many states have registries, as was already mentioned, check and see if your state has one and if so, be sure to register. In addition, a few states actually have open records, in which you can get access to your adoption records for the asking..
All good answers so far.

You don't mention where you're from. Each jurisdiction is different - each state in the US. Some US states have open records, 6 at the last count.

Join Bastard Nation - - and help make your own state open records, if its closed. Or the local equivalent!

Reputable Search Angels will not charge for anything but their own expenses. Beware private investigators. And look for registries - the biggest is Soundex -

Oh, and closed adoption here, sucessfully traced.
Never give up hope because you hit a roadblock. I had a closed adoption and I still found out all my information plus the names of my birth siblings and mother. How? I signed up for ISRR International Soundex Reunion Registry as well as registered for their Google Group that places adoptees, birth families, and search angels all in one bulletin board. The search angels hop online and look up what they can for you based on your info. I found out so much and it didn't cost me anything. I suggest that you register for ISRR, get in touch with the google group The Adoption Database (very active group) and read up on what other people have said. It's comforting to know that other people are going through this same exact thing and are willing to help. If you have your non-identifying information it will help you find possible avenues to find your family. Good luck!

IF you're over 18, post on the following FREE adoption site--G's Adoption Website. Search angels are entirely free. Took 5 weeks to be reunited w/ my birthson.
Make sure you read up on the pitfalls, and make sure you're ready for this, because it might actually happen.
If you're under 18, WAIT.